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I had a realisation last week. One of those proper ones where it seems like it came from nowhere, whilst out walking.
The realisation was this: Control over emotions is a dial.
In the past, I’ve seen control over emotions as something that I’m pretty good at. I can tone almost any emotion down at almost any time.
I’ve got extreme patience, something I’m very happy about.
The thing is, if control over my emotions is a dial and I’m really good at pulling the volume down, do I really have control?
I’m horrible at pulling the volume up. I don’t like it and rarely do.
I’m reevaluating what control over my emotions mean, and I think a lot more people need to do the same. At least if you, like me, believe it’s a dial.
→ Dial, not a mute button
Muting emotions is easy to me. It’s something I’ve practiced so much that it comes natural to me. And to some extent it probably is.
I can’t remember ever being a loud, noisy or high energy type of person. I’m fine with that.
But to think I’m better at controlling my emotions (something I’ve thought countless times) might not be very accurate. People who are able to pull the volume up on demand might just as well be as capable of control as I am.
→ Control comes with practice. Practice looks different for different people.
In order to get better at all of this, controlling my emotions (up and down in volume), controlling my behaviour related to emotions (up and down) and most importantly communicate my emotions clearly I’ve had to practice.
My therapist gave me homework: to challenge myself when I tone my emotions down. To risk conflict because of differences in energy. To speak my mind and to express what I’m feeling in absurd ways.
All in order to try my limits. And it’s worked. And continues to work.
That said, my practice might look very different from someone else’s. I need to work on turning the volume up, as someone might need to turn the volume down. Or to find the dial at all.
<aside> <img src="/icons/exclamation-mark_gray.svg" alt="/icons/exclamation-mark_gray.svg" width="40px" /> Oh, and the whole thing is edited with Descript to be able to have the subtitles. It also spares you of all my uhms and ahs, which is the reason to why it jumps every now and then.
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